Zombie Traps

Movies always depict groups of humans manually sweeping areas for zombies, but devices specifically designed for the task would be much more effective and far safer. To catch them alive for experimentation, the simplest would probably be a shipping container with a one way security turnstile welded into one end and a noise maker for a lure. Airlift it in, and then once full, pick it back up again. Destroying the zombies is more difficult, and depends on exactly what type is being encountered. Those that are simply infected but mortal offer many simple solutions, such as exposure to radiation or other toxins, but I will focus on the much more problematic undead variety. The need to significantly damage the brain and the fact that they could be crawling or of widely varying sizes complicates things considerably, so a crusher would probably be the most effective. Similar to some compacting trash containers, solar panels (mounted on an appropriately tall mast) would allow for extended operation without fuel and likely be the most practical option, although there are, of course, also highly impractical ones. Again, a noise maker would draw zombies inside, through a one way gate and then once filled to capacity they would be crushed by a motor highly geared down to be very slow but powerful. The wall opposite the crushing panel should be releasable, sliding sideways via another powerful, slow motor and built heavily enough to oppose the compacting force, so that the remains could be scraped out and pushed aside to create more room for prey. While simpler, forcing the zombies through a grate would be susceptible to jamming were a foreign object to somehow make its way into the trap. Obviously, a fairly open site would need to be chosen for the growing pile of gore, although decay should limit its maximum size and allow the powerful actuators to continue to deal with it. A parking lot, lawn, or even a street intersection would probably be adequate.

Better Matrix Background Story

"There is no plot."

The movie The Matrix had a ridiculously stupid background story: the machines are keeping humans alive to provide power via their body heat and neuro-electrical activity because during its war with us, we deployed a weapon that makes the world permanently cloudy so solar power won't work (apparently the machines' primary energy source). There are a lot of problems with this:

1) How were we planning on growing food if we did this to the planet?
2) There are energy sources other than solar the machines could've switched to
3) The food required to keep a person alive takes far more energy to grow than they put out

Rather than this asinine rationale, how about this: the computers were charged with keeping humanity healthy and happy but we were so poor at managing our planet, despite warnings, that the computer determined that the only way to accomplish its orders was to place us all in virtual environments. To the computer's way of thinking there is no practical difference between a real existence and an indistinguishable virtual one. This adds some moral ambiguity on the part of humanity for ruining the planet and showcases an interesting difference between human and AI perspectives on the nature of existence.

Alternate HAL 9000 Motivation

Don't make me bust caps, Dave.

In the book and film 2010, HAL's violent actions are explained by a sort of mental breakdown caused by placing him in the position of having to withhold information from the crew about the true nature of their mission before reaching Jupiter orbit. This contradicts his primary purpose of accurately gathering and sharing information and leads him not only to kill the crew, but to display several erratic behaviours, including, very subtly misidentifying a chess move (Kubrick was a chess nut). This explanation has always struck me as quite weak. Instead, I would've had the crew begin piecing together part of their classified mission from information they'd gathered separately back on Earth. They of course do this with HAL's full knowledge, often speculating with him about it. I would also make it clear that the priority given to secrecy was extremely high and also that the prohibition included all the personnel in the communication chain so that HAL couldn't ask for clarification. Since it is stated that HAL is perfectly capable of accomplishing the mission without human assistance, the natural result would be for him to eliminate the security leak in the most straightforward and efficient manner by killing them. No appeals to an undefined breakdown would be required and all HAL's actions could remain completely logical, stemming as unintended consequences from his orders. Attributable, as HAL says, to human error.

I also wouldn't have had HAL respond in any way to Bowman's communications after he'd been locked out of the ship. Bowman could have an entirely one sided conversation which could provide some exposition. HAL would only respond once he'd successfully reentered. Be a nice bit of symmetry with HAL's one sided conversation that's in there now. I guess at a slightly cheesy level it would also be symbolic of the lack of communication embodied in the orders that led to HAL's murderous behaviour. Be a lot tougher to direct, but it fits more with the purely logical avoidance of unnecessary activity that was clearly being aimed for in HAL's personality.

Zombie Power!

While zombies that are merely infected humans can be considered science fiction (if rather far-fetched), the undead variety are pure fantasy. In order to function without air, water, or food for an indefinite period, they would have to be converting their own mass directly into energy. What's more, such a process would have to operate at an extremely high efficiency or else they'd generate massive quantities of waste heat. This is completely ridiculous, but offers the amusing prospect of harnessing the zombies for power generation. Obviously the best mechanism would be to reproduce the biology involved at the cellular level, but a much more direct approach using zombies to push a rotor attached to a generator could be employed. Their aggression, tirelessness, and low intelligence can be exploited by using a moving speaker to constantly lead them, much like the proverbial horse attracted by the carrot on a stick. As a security measure they could be sealed in as they require neither air nor light. You know your science fiction is terrible when it leads to perpetual motion machines.

Planning for the Future

Since the age of sixteen I have had a specific phrase that I could include in any communication from myself in the future in order for it to be certifiably authentic. While I don't expect a time traveling communication technology to be ever be invented (let alone within my lifetime), it seemed an easy enough preparation to make. Obviously I can't share the phrase with you or it would compromise its utility. I encourage everyone to spend a couple minutes coming up with a similar code phrase (or just a PIN number). It can't hurt, unless you're careless enough to tell a friend what it is; then the hoaxing possibilities are limitless.

I figure the cost benefit analysis breaks down like this:

Chance of it occurring = almost zero.
Importance if it did occur = very high.
Cost to prepare = almost zero.

Since the expected benefit, (almost zero)*(very high), is greater than the cost, almost zero, it's worth creating the password.